Loss

Today we had to put one of our two remaining cats down.  Chloe was 14 years old and had many health problems through the years.  The latest was hyperthyroid, making her superskinny.  She had been having accidents in the house for years, but the last two months she basically no longer used the litterbox at all.  This made life hard, but I still didn’t want t put her down ‘becuse of’ litter bx issues.  This week she seemed to be getting skinnier (if that was even possible) and she would lay down somewhere for hours and not move, except to pee on the carpet.  This morning she was on the bathroom floor…wet.   I soon realised that she had urinated on herself.  She was also twitching every few minutes.  I wrapped her in a towel and cradeled her in my arms.   SHe has never liked being cradled in my arms, but she didnt protest to being picked up, wrapped in a towel, or being cradled…she was dying.

Before leaving for the vet, I brought Chloe over to Gidget (her sister), so they could say their goodbyes.  Gidget sniffed Chloe and then turned her eyes away from us…it’s like she knew and was trying to be in denial too.  I had to call around to vets, because it is saturday and she won’t last til mon.  The twitches are getting more frequent.  SHe won’t/can’t turn her head to look at me.  Her breathing is labored and she doesn’t purr.  There is an emergency vet nearby that I call.  I think that I am going to be able to ask all the necessary questions on the phone, but I break down within the first sentence….they know what I’m asking, without me continuing.  They saty come right in we willl help.

We don;t want to go….she willl be gone before we get back home….but she is suffering now.  To keep her alive any longer, that would be neglect….that would be cruel.  No matter how inconvenient she had become, we love her dearly and don;t want to lose her…but she really is already gone.  We take her in…she doesn’t even have enough strength to move her head away from the door of the carrier.  I gently placed her in it and made sure that the door could close without hitting her head, but still it hurts me to see that she can’t move away from it.  It even hurts that she didn’t fight me at all when I put her in the carrier.  It takes 10 min to drive to the vet, every slight bump in the road, she twitches…it is the longest drive ever.

We get to the vet and they take care of everything.  They quickly have me fill out a form so that they can proceed and then take Chloe from me and bring her to the back.  I pay and then they show us back to her to say goodbye.  She look horrible, did we wait too long?  We just start crying, but Chloe looks us both in the eye one last time.  We say goodbye.  We cannot stay in the room while they do it…it would be too hard for us.  But we are reassured that they will do it as soon as we walk out of the room.  Chloe will not have to be scared waiting for them to proceed.  They will call us in 2-3 weeks with her ashes.

It is over.

We reminisce a little when we get home of all of Chloe’s quirks.  Her obsession with bathroom water….dripping faucets.  She would cry for the faucet whenever it was turned off.  She would spend hours in the tub watching the water drip in between drinks from the drips.  She loved to chew on plastic bags.  She never liked cat beds…always peed on them.  Her favorite ‘beds’ were cold hard electronics.  Sometimes these cold hard beds would even be a bathroom sink….waiting for the faucet to be turned on…lol   Any time I cooked meat she would love my legs and cry for meat.  The last two years I have been indulging her with bites of my meat….she was old she deserved any treats she asked for.  She went crazy with catnip.  I remember coming home from a road trip to find the laundry room covered in catnip and Chloe in a ‘drug-induced’ haze…She had found the bag in a cupboard and ripped the bag open and wallowed in it.  I don’t think she ‘came down’ for  a week.   We loved ordering exotic brands of catnip for her….all of the names were plays on weed names….Alaskan Thunderstruck was her fav.

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