Growing Up At Any Age

I LOVE Mercy.  I have always stood with her in all her trials in tribulations for the last 16 years.  Does that mean that I haven’t wanted to strangle her at times?  Of course not!  We have a passionate relationship.

We are not the couple who broadcast our passion.  You know these people.  They have their fights in the grocery store in front of you in line.  Or they invite you over to hang out, only to find out that they really wanted a referee.

We don’t hide our troubles, but we keep them off the headlines.  Close friends know what we fight about, but don;t have to witness the fights…much better for keeping our plea of temporary insanity for when we kill each other.

Okay, we fight.  But we also makeup and we have moments of growth in between fights.  And we both know that the other will be there to ‘bury any bodies without question’ for each other.

Our song is True Love by P!nk:

This song really fits our life.  Mercy knows the good and the bad of me and it’s okay, and vise versa.

That all being said, there are many things that have infuriated me over the years.  Mercy has been lazy and inconsiderate at times.  She had a hard life and felt entitled to get more than give.  After almost dying last year things started to change.  She started noticing all the things that I do to keep our life going.  So sometimes she would acknowledge this and I would have moments of feeling appreciated.  These moments were not often, but much more frequent than before she ‘fell-out’.

Tuesday, she started acupuncture with Terry.  Terry started explaining the theory and process.  When Terry talked about eastern medicine not separating the mind from the body and that both can work for and against each other, Mercy sat up and listened.  She realized that although her physical symptoms are real, her mind (anxiety) can make physical symptoms worse.  Also that the physical symptoms can make the mental symptoms worse.  Not to downplay the treatment, but this post is more about what happened after the treatment.  When Terry took out the last needle, Mercy felt her anxiety drop.

The next couple days is where the interesting things happened.

Mercy woke up Thurs without any pain.  Well, she was at a 3 on the scale of 1 through 10.  Mornings are always the most painful for her.  Thurs afternoon she apologised for all the mistreatment that I have suffered in all of our 16 years.  This was not a blanket apology.  I could tell that she had thought about it deeply.  SHe gave me many examples and apologized for each one, but she didn’t ask me to forgive her.  That would’ve cheapened the apology.  Instead she acknowledged how much she had taken advantage of me and how much she had manipulated me through the years.

Don’t get the wrong idea, our relationship has been rough, but surrounded by so much good.  Never once did I feel like leaving or feel like I was being abused in any way.  So even though others would not have stood for many of her actions, I feel like she is in no way evil.

Without you knowing what is in my heart and mind, or Mercy’s, there is no way for you to understand that Mercy was not giving me lip service.  You’ll just have to trust me on this one for right now and you will see as time goes on that Mercy did hit a turning point this week.

This was the first of our frank discussions about any of our problems where the conversation did not have to end with Mercy saying something like, “Okay, I understand, but can we stop bashing me?  We need to stop talking about this right now, before it starts upsetting me”

After those discussions, things always got better for a while until Mercy thought my guard was down and she would start slacking again.   Yesterday, she really admitted her wrongdoings and how unfair they were to me.

Now, I’m not so naïve to think that she’ll never backslide into laziness, because we all are lazy at times.  I just know that the look in her eyes during last nights discussion was truth and she now knows how important it is to try.

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Filed under Mercy & Me, Therapy

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